I cant believe that I am not super excited today. To me it just seem like another day. Im not looking for nothing nor for nobody to anything special today. It is just another day.. just a quite and peaceful day nothing to great.. and I am actually okay with this.
I’m getting these pic from pinterest. But I’m doing this one too..
I love it.. I’m going to recreate this for my plussize body
Yesterday I was told that I use people as a crutch and I play victim.. I don’t want to be that guy. I want to be normal and I don’t want people to just be use to me acting like.. that isn’t okay and I cant depend on people to much.. I’m going change somethings about me so they can stop saying “oh we are use to you acting like that”I always say I’m going and I do for a little bit and go back to being to emotional and doing to much and start running for me because they cant handle it any more.. I’m my worst enemy and im my worst critic.
Ive been through a lot but I’m not going let those situation define who I am and I’m not going to let it define my future. Today I pledge that will be a better and different Shari and that will work through emotions before acting on it. I will not bring up what happen in my part no more. I wont have a pity party any more. I’m going to be happy because I’m alive. I may not be were I want to be but I will get there.. no more random crying and no more looking for people to talking to people help through emotions. I can do it by myself. No more tantrums so what if things didn’t go exactly how I wanted it to go. I cant plan things out and not think that things wont get in the way and sometimes plans get changed and i have to be okay with that. Hell life will still continue. People will still continue with their lifes even if I’m upset about me not getting my way.
Time to start finding what makes me happy and focus on my future. Time to start having fun. I’m young single and very beautiful. I’m smart and very educated.
I just can’t get away
I’m not the same as I was
Leaving my disarray
Everything that could go wrong, went wrong tonight.
Tags: #suicide #cutting #depression
How I’m feeling today…ugh
I have major depression and post tramatic stress and sometime those demons like to show themself a lot.. even with all the meds I take, they seem to still appear.. I have abandonment issues and loneliness issue and I have mommy issues and suicide issue and crazy spend problem and people that I love are getting annoyed with me because I lash out on them or I have emotional melt down and I start feeling like they hate me and that I’m worthless and that I should end it all and end this suffering. I also think that it will make them so happy and their life will be easier with out the crazy sister or the crazy daughter or the crazy wife or the crazy friend.. but when I’m off my meds it 2x worst so I guesing the meds are working…
Ive been doing the diet thing since I graduated high school and yes I lose the weight but then I gain back and plus more. This has been my life now for almost 11 years but today I vow that I will not diet but eat healthier. Today i vow that I will get my butt up and go to the gym or go for a run or just do something. Today vow just to be healthy and happy. My goal right now is to be healthy and that what I’m focused on. I don’t want to give myself a number because that will my focus to reach that number.